Dominatrix Evolution

When I first started out as a dominatrix, I had a very specific idea of what femdom was. Much like most all baby dommes, I thought it was being mean, dressing in all black leather or latex, wearing stiletto heels, and having a contemptuous attitude towards others. After all, is this not what pop culture has lead us to believe? I tried this personality on...and found it wasn't for me. Back in high school I'd been heavily involved in theater and have decent acting chops. However, even with that background I couldn't play this person who was so vastly different than myself, not just stylistically but morally or ethically. My personal disposition was not like "Hers". This was blatantly obvious to me after having my first professional shoot in borrowed clothes. Looking at the pictures, I didn't recognize myself, and it was in a way I didn't like.

Having discovered this, I allowed myself the freedom to break away from the stereotype to explore what femdom meant to me and what my style and personality was rather than what society said a dominatrix should be. Taking this opportunity, I embraced one of my core tenets of comfort and switched out the tight pants and corsets for dresses and skirts. Heels were mainly replaced with ballet flats, but I also appreciate showing off freshly manicured toes and working barefoot. Switching my style made me feel more comfortable, which in turn increased my confidence, presentation, and performance.

A good femdom can dominate you in any outfit or stage of dress; it’s all about the mindset. Knowing that my brain is the most important thing I can bring to a scene, I focused on who I wanted to be and how I wanted to be in addition to learning skills. When first seeing clients, I was nervous; I was new, inexperienced, and did not want to disappoint. However, it quickly became clear that my clients were more nervous than I was! Many of my clients are new to the scene or have had bad previous experiences, and I found myself wanting to alleviate their fears rather than play off of them.

Thinking more about my usual clientele, how my sessions went, and what my true personality was like, I found that I’m once again evolving.

I enjoy causing tears—when they’re cathartic.

I love inducing pain—in order for you to heal.

Humiliation is enjoyable—when it helps with realization and becoming your true self.

I will lecture you—so you can self-advocate and be safe.

In sum, will hurt you for your own good.

This person is who I want to be. She nurtures, heals, comforts and leaves you better than she found you. Though I initially rejected the Mommy Domme, this personality is one I embrace and can be proud of. I’m looking forward to having my outward style once again reflect that soon.

These are my thoughts on femdom. To read others, check out the rest of The Femdom Society