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Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Game

The first time I engaged in findom I didn't know it was findom. I was primarily a fetish seller at the time, and I'd met a man who wanted to buy a pair of My panties. When I arrived at the cafe I was somewhat surprised to find that not only did he want to buy Me a drink and give Me more than double the arranged tribute, but that he didn't want the panties at all--he wanted the shame of giving Me everything for nothing while I demeaned him. And he wanted to meet Me again the following week to do it again. I left feeling confused, but elated by the wallet full of bills I wasn't anticipating.

Unfortunately, he ghosted, as seems to be par for the course with money slaves. A few weeks later I encountered a submissive that wanted trampled. Happy to have a human doormat, I arranged to set up a meet. This submissive, so eager to please, having gone so long without serving, was desperate to relieve one of his kinks. He begged to meet Me immediately. I refused. He insisted, said he needed to serve Me and wanted to give Me all his money just for a moment of my time. I was genuinely unable to meet, especially since I do not do same day meets, but I told him that if he truly wanted to give the cash to Me he could meet with My husband and give it to him. He did. He completely emptied his wallet and handed My husband all his money, including his gas card. The man never even met Me.

This was My introduction to findom. I often hear from outsiders, "That's crazy!" "Make sure to save his number!" "Send him to me!" And the always popular "You're only in this for the money." Of course, darling. This is financial domination, after all.

Both of these encounters left Me feeling excited, and I loved the feeling of having gotten money for essentially little to no work. I was lucky, in these instances, that the cash slaves had found Me with no effort on My part. After coming to realize that this strange phenomenon was a fetish and not a fluke, I thought on it for a bit (as one must do) to determine My feelings on the matter. I came to find that yes, I do have a money fetish. Now, we all like money, we all need money, and most all of us think about what we'd do if we won the lottery. A money fetish is different.

I don't want to go swimming in a pool of gold coins like Scrooge McDuck, but I'd happily roll around on a bed of $100's. I enjoy fresh, crisp Benjamins that are so new that they almost stick together but not quite. I relish having a man hand over his hard earned money just because I want him to. I love being handed the bills, and slowly counting them out, knowing what $100 feels like in My hand in various denominations. All of this makes Me happy. I've traced My money fetish back to My childhood (isn't that always where it starts?) and realized that the love language I often received was material gifts or cash. I'm aware that findom is different for everyone, and I know what I was getting out of the deal, now I had to find out what the cash slaves enjoyed about it.

It was difficult to find actual information on financial domination as it seems not to be a popular fetish in the lifestyle BDSM crowd, but is with young instadommes, and therefore only discussed in the most disparaging tones. Princess Kali touches on the topic in her wonderful book on erotic humilation, Enough to Make You Blush. MixTrix has put out numerous blog posts on the topic and was even interviewed in a documentary. The most helpful resource at the time was Greedy by Madame Sossette...a sock puppet. I have also learned a great deal by talking to My peers. Mistress Eva was kind enough to set aside some time to discuss how She handles Her financial slaves and consequently made a blog post from that conversation.

Findom gets a bad rap and is looked down upon, which is unfortunate as findom is simply another form of power exchange. Money is power. How often do we judge people on how much they earn or how much money they spent on something, good or bad? Findom is one of the ultimate forms of power exchange in My opinon, as it extends beyond the session. It engages psychological play as well.

"How much did I give my Domme? Will I have enough to pay all my bills? How much do I need to budget to make it to the next payday? My grocery allotment is X amount, what can I buy with that? I have enough to get by, but I don't want my colleagues to know that I'm struggling--what do I need to do to 'fake it' till payday? I overspent and won't have the proper offering for my Goddess. How will she punish me?"

Occasionally, the Dommes who engage in findom are also judged and labeled as greedy, which really is absurd since We're here to be worshiped. I jest, but there are Dommes who enjoy aspects of findom that I find unethical such as bankruptcy and blackmail. Still, it's unfair to place all FinDommes under this umbrella; We wouldn't be here if there weren't a demand. It's up to the submissive to make sure the Domme they choose is a good fit, just like with any other aspect of BDSM, and this includes making sure the Domme is ethical, reputable, and verified. What's Her web presence like? Does She have a clip store or chat line? What do Her tweets tell you about Her? Do some work to make sure you're tributing to an actual Domme. It's not the burden of the FinDomme to prove She's not a "Nigerian Prince" to every sub who approaches Her.

I'd like to end with this last bit of advice: if you don't enjoy findom, don't engage in it, and don't judge a Domme because of one kink She enjoys that you do not. It all comes down to that saying, "Don't hate the player, hate the game."

If you like this post and want to learn more about being a financial submissive, read My Findom page and contact Me.

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